archive     message     rss
© ™ Copyright Hope Ann V.


Old: excerpt from field notes on intimacy

I see myself in each passing comet, falling back into voids or vacancies - managing to liberate myself halfway, all the time.

He tells me it is in the stars, this expansion of a man’s ego a direct result of limiting the view and acknowledgement of the sky’s expansiveness. All that industry, all those sky scrappers distorting our view of the stars with light. He explains to me that mankind’s disconnect from nature has been a result of no longer observing the infinitesimal reality of our night sky - our perception of the universe now skewed, no longer fully to scale.

It is in the stars - I check my horoscope religiously, devout to the magic of possibility and am only continuing to place myself in a star aligned position to be let down. Again.

Thoughts

Reading and being self aware tends to make you more attentive to what’s going on, or perceptive as to what’s occurred. However, it also means you start to feel the inklings of things. Like how you process things differently cus you’re disturbed or misinformed. How you go through your life justifying treatment that you never knew was indecent until you compared it to something else. I wouldn’t call it eye opening, or enlightening, but I would call it a bit bittersweet.

On one hand you start to understand things more as they are. On the other hand, after you start doing that, you become disillusioned and disenfranchised. People are mind readers, so we ought to communicate ourselves, but this is such a new concept for people - society has brainwashed us to not think for so long, that as soon as we are equipped to do such, we feel foreign. Like an alien.

the caveat is that it all felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it all felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it felt real - even though it’s not.

August 6th
12:36 pm

August 6th
12:27 pm

August 6th
1:23 am

So this ill guy sits on my shoulder while I do my makeup in the morning…definitely not my kitten, but he might as well be.

So this ill guy sits on my shoulder while I do my makeup in the morning…definitely not my kitten, but he might as well be.

August 3rd
12:45 pm

So bummed

The show in Pomona is sold out and the line up is so good and I have been wanting to see Alex G for years live. ;(

July 30th
8:43 pm

Having friends that are into psychology and also into analyzing you

"Adoring butterflies is a manifestation of your internal deficiency. You let men hold you in their palms, and when they place you in a Jar, screwing the lid, you convince yourself of happiness. Even worse is that afterwards, when they lodged a pin inside you for purposes of display, you find ways to associate it with pleasure."

July 24th
10:38 pm

CLAIRVOYANCE IS A PRETTY WORD. Life recently: as told by pictures…summer fashion, gaining weight and gaining tans and selfies woooooo

"maybe I can get out of this cycle of just living & dying." - important words told to me by an important person around 8 am this past tuesday morning. I am eternally grateful.

July 24th
9:40 am

The truth

I don’t think you can ever know a person completely. The most you can do is be attentive and try to understand their behavior to get a feel for how they act, but behavior can be volatile too. Yesterday night I had an enlightening conversation with a dishwasher about Freud vs. Jung, socialism, and the selfish inclinations that humans innately have. I said it was sad that we are all selfish, that even in our best of intentions, we still maintain some desire for personal gain.

you’ll never truly know anyone, and I think that is beautiful, not sad. It is liberating and celebrates the capacity for infinity in a person’s soul. Nothing is forever. The only promise that holds true no matter what? Change. A human’s only constant.

July 19th
1:53 am

Lookalikes

People seem to always tell me I look like JoJo or Sasha Grey. I don’t know how to feel about either but they’re very beautiful women…so I am honored!

July 18th
10:05 am

Performers are magicians

You’re not only an actor or musician, you’re a magician
Don’t denounce the mysticism
Of your profession
There is a celestial degree
And required symmetry
For convincing people of make believe

s.t.