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© ™ Copyright Hope Ann V.


Nothing but

You say,

"Nature Is patterns, but
There is difficulty with describing the story of Pandora’s box.”

These riddles you speak to me are as enticing as ever
And you baptize me with the formula for holy water
That you constructed knowingly
& With the intention of captivity/nurture/love.

For some strange reason
You create prose from my disgust
And tell me intoxicating promises.

You have changed your mailing address from jail to an apartment.
When asking me what’s new, I tell you nothing much,
And tell me that you told me so -
“your distaste for the human condition has more to do
With the fact you’re an angel
And less to do with your name being hope.”


I wield meaning with you because of your full knowledge of me;
And you paint me pictures to see
Despite everything.

Some things fail to change,
Like the type of people who leave and the type of people who stay.

Deep down/at the bottom, us “people” aren’t so different - we just chose to make different types of decisions. Knowing the traditional caliber of human, I am rarely surprised nor moved with others. everything goes and comes and goes and comes - with or without the wind.

Hard to take offense
After being nestled in Pandora’s box
Hard to wholly dislike ignorance
When you keep yourself in locks.

old

old

LIFE lately as told by pictures. 

to answer questions i’ve got on this social media stuffs: 1. didn’t find a way to get myself into berkeley, disheartened about it but glad because of the people I get to see every week as a result of staying stationary 2. i l-o-v-e the individual (s) in my life that I am closest to. they light my fire! they are TRES INCROYABLE 3. not good at communicating or scheduling shoots cus of a new job i started for the semester - i apologize to all the ignored messages on MM, but i still want to be a regular model, at some point..someday! 4. i love the material i am engaging with in my classes and i stand firmly rooted in my belief that my professors are some of the most incredible individuals ever and deserve much higher pay. dunno why they’re not at ivy leagues  (probably convenience/cost of living etc..) but they’re each so brilliant they very well could be 5. austin is one of the best individuals ever. our cynical conversations make me giggle and i am honored to call him my friend…also he is promising to contribute a piece to the magazine stay tuned fans of austin’s work ! ~~~~~~

6. (because it’s Halloween time) I woke up with a cold and have a lot of trivial little work tasks to do but it doesn’t get to me. especially when i have people and memories like this that I know and love. to each moment and every person in my life, thank you for existing - I’m eternally grateful pour vous.

listening to: songs of leonard cohen album (always), eyedea (always, may you RIP 11/9/1981-10/16/2010), immortal technique -who my friend saw play in texas last month isn’t that ironic haha dear section of texas gov that is tampering with womens’ rights: you are horrible for limiting access to abortion, Amy Winehouse’s acoustic/live albums, morning smoke’s new track hunger, the growlers, and OLIVVER.

October 2nd
12:12 am

two books I think everyone should read

sonnets to orpheus by Rainer Maria Rilke and the little prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry.

over the past five years they have granted me more guidance than the bible, or any other religious text, could have ever hoped to bestow.

"O trotz Schicksal: die herrlichen Überflüsse
unseres Daseins, in Parken übergeschäum”

Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé. ”

Old: excerpt from field notes on intimacy

I see myself in each passing comet, falling back into voids or vacancies - managing to liberate myself halfway, all the time.

He tells me it is in the stars, this expansion of a man’s ego a direct result of limiting the view and acknowledgement of the sky’s expansiveness. All that industry, all those sky scrappers distorting our view of the stars with light. He explains to me that mankind’s disconnect from nature has been a result of no longer observing the infinitesimal reality of our night sky - our perception of the universe now skewed, no longer fully to scale.

It is in the stars - I check my horoscope religiously, devout to the magic of possibility and am only continuing to place myself in a star aligned position to be let down. Again.

Thoughts

Reading and being self aware tends to make you more attentive to what’s going on, or perceptive as to what’s occurred. However, it also means you start to feel the inklings of things. Like how you process things differently cus you’re disturbed or misinformed. How you go through your life justifying treatment that you never knew was indecent until you compared it to something else. I wouldn’t call it eye opening, or enlightening, but I would call it a bit bittersweet.

On one hand you start to understand things more as they are. On the other hand, after you start doing that, you become disillusioned and disenfranchised. People are mind readers, so we ought to communicate ourselves, but this is such a new concept for people - society has brainwashed us to not think for so long, that as soon as we are equipped to do such, we feel foreign. Like an alien.

the caveat is that it all felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it all felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it felt real - even though it’s not.

the caveat is that it felt real - even though it’s not.

August 6th
12:36 pm

August 6th
12:27 pm

August 6th
1:23 am

So this ill guy sits on my shoulder while I do my makeup in the morning…definitely not my kitten, but he might as well be.

So this ill guy sits on my shoulder while I do my makeup in the morning…definitely not my kitten, but he might as well be.

August 3rd
12:45 pm

So bummed

The show in Pomona is sold out and the line up is so good and I have been wanting to see Alex G for years live. ;(

July 30th
8:43 pm

Having friends that are into psychology and also into analyzing you

"Adoring butterflies is a manifestation of your internal deficiency. You let men hold you in their palms, and when they place you in a Jar, screwing the lid, you convince yourself of happiness. Even worse is that afterwards, when they lodged a pin inside you for purposes of display, you find ways to associate it with pleasure."

s.t.